Where $2 PBR Pounders Will Leave You in the Morning

From the Portland Press Herald:

Police charge man with OUI on Zamboni
David Hench

A Portland man faces charges of drunk driving and burglary after police found him atop an idling Zamboni inside the Cumberland County Civic Center this morning.

Firefighters and police were called to the civic center at 2 a.m. for a fire alarm. It turns out someone had been driving a forklift inside the facility and had hit a sprinkler line, damaging the system and setting off the alarm.

Officers investigating the damage found Adam Patterson, 25, sitting on the Zamboni which was running but not moving. He appeared extremely intoxicated, police said. There were signs that the building had been broken into, police said.

Patterson is being held without bail at Cumberland County Jail because of a charge of violating bail conditions. He also is charged with aggravated criminal mischief, burglary and operating under the influence.

Speeding tales you won't believe

By David Hench
Portland Press Herald

Sometimes, it might be better to be late.

Public Safety Department spokesman Steve McCausland today provides these gems from the State Police newsletter of late motorists who wound up in even more trouble.

On Sunday, Trooper Marvin Hinkley stopped a 20-year-old man on Interstate 295 in Freeport driving 99 mph with his hazard lights flashing. The man told him he was late getting to the methadone clinic, an appointment which he did not make.

Trooper David Andreasen, driving an unmarked 2008 Dodge Charger on the Maine Turnpike, was recently passed by two motorists: one who was late for a Portland court date and so was going 97 mph, and another going 100 mph trying to get to work on time.

Finally, McCausland's speeders of the week were a couple who were driving separate cars on the interstate in Clinton, trying to see which one was fastest. The man hit 107 mph, just edging out the woman at 106 mph.

Both were arrested.

Maine: Where Sesame Street and Harlem Intersect

From The Morning Sentinel:

Police: Man shoots 12-year-old with BB gun

SKOWHEGAN -- A 23-year-old Sesame Street resident was arrested Wednesday after he fired a CO2-powered BB gun at a 12-year-old boy alongside Dr. Mann Road, hitting the boy in the stomach, according to police. Randall L. Brackett, 23, has been charged with assault and may face other charges, Deputy Police Chief Rick Bonneau said Thursday.

Bonneau said neighbors began calling police at around 6:30 p.m., saying they heard a ruckus near a mobile home park on MRI Drive, off Dr.Mann Road, and said people were fighting.

"Three boys were out playing by the road on a pogo stick when people began yelling profanity at them," Bonneau said. He said one of the adults in a nearby mobile home came out and began staring at the boys and one of them raised the gun and fired.

Witnesses told Patrolman Joel Cummings that they heard a "pfft" or the sound of a pellet gun going off, according to Bonneau.

The suspect apparently had aimed at and struck a 12-year-old boy in the stomach. The pellet did not pierce the skin, but did cause a wound, Bonneau said. The boy was not hospitalized.

"A CO2-powered BB gun can be powerful, and it can be very damaging," Bonneau said. "I'm assuming the boy was protected by some clothing" and still got hurt. "I wouldn't want to have one pointed at me."

A Note to my Valued Reader(s)

While every other news outlet can not get enough of Sarah Palin, Financial Crisis's and other issues, let me come forth and say "Only In Maine" will remain what it's always been about, Maine.

But while I do have your attention, do you feel like Sarah Palin is the second coming of Paris Hilton? Suddenly famous for not really doing much. I don't know, just a thought.

Let me introduce you to a "Maine Mechanic"

From the Morning Sentinel:

WINSLOW - Police stopped a vehicle that had its passenger-side headlight out at 1:47 a.m. today, on Bay Street.

According to the report filed by Officer Haley Fleming, the operator stepped out of the vehicle and punched the headlight. The headlight came on and was functional, and no action on the part of police was required.

What the report failed note was that the man originally fixed his headlight with a roll of duct tape, a bottle of Allen's Coffee Brandy and a 9-iron.

Are you running for office, or going camping?

From the Morning Sentinel:

AUGUSTA -- The state ethics commission voted 5-0 today to require a Maine Senate candidate to reimburse the Maine Clean Election fund for purchases deemed primarily personal in nature.

Independent candidate Dana Kadey of Princeton, who is running for Senate District 29 in Washington County, will be required to pay back the state for a $1,363 truck cap and roof rack; $109.62 spent on mileage to buy the cap and rack; $414 for a Global Positioning System; and $188 for a cooler with electronic cooling and warming capabilities.

Kadey told the commission he is willing to pay back the money. He said he worried that if he used his own money to pay for those items, which he believes are related to his campaign, he would have violated clean election guidelines.

Maine (Blind) Lawyer Gone Wild

From the Associated Press:

PORTLAND - The chief executive officer of Maine's Iris Network faces criminal charges after flying into a rage over his daughter’s $5,000 cell phone bill.

James Phipps, 50, grabbed his 20-year-old daughter and repeatedly spanked her in a dispute over the cell phone bill and her boyfriend, the Cumberland County Sheriff’s Department said. There is some dispute over who is responsible for the bill, investigators said.

The Iris Network is a nonprofit organization that helps people who are visually impaired or blind become independent. Phipps, a Portland lawyer, is blind.

Members of the Iris Network’s board say it’s too early to say whether the incident would affect his job there, the Portland Press Herald reported.

Investigators say Phipps spanked his daughter repeatedly with his hand as a dispute escalated in his home on Chebeague Island. The daughter then went upstairs to call her boyfriend and another scuffle broke out that involved the daughter taking her father’s cell phone, authorities say.


Not much I can say. Wow, just wow.

(Bad) Excuses for going 108 mph

From the Bangor Daily News:

Bangor -- Two people from the Waterville area were arrested Monday night in Bangor after passing a state trooper in an unmarked police car who clocked them going nearly 110 miles per hour on Interstate 95.

Maine State Police Trooper Forest Simpson said he’d heard a report of a vehicle with its hazard lights flashing traveling too fast on the interstate. A few minutes later, the car came up behind Simpson and his radar registered the vehicle at 108 mph in a 65 mph zone. The car passed Simpson and continued to go more than 100 mph into a 55 mph zone and when exiting I-95 onto I-395 toward Brewer.

The passenger, Thomas Selby, 42, of the Waterville area, opened his door while the car was moving and it looked as if he were going to jump out of the car, Simpson said. Selby then shut the door and the vehicle pulled over.

Simpson gave Selby and the driver, Dawn Parker, 29, orders using the cruiser’s speaker system because they both were acting strangely and Simpson said he wasn’t sure with whom he was dealing.

Neither would cooperate with Simpson. At one point Selby got out of the car and started running toward the trooper who said he then called for backup.

Police eventually were able to get the two suspects into custody.

The two said they were in a hurry to get to the airport for a 5 p.m. flight because Selby had a family emergency. Simpson said no plane tickets or receipts were found in their possession, the two were headed in the direction opposite from the airport, and it was 5:07 p.m. when Simpson pulled them over.

A search of the car turned up prescription drugs, only some of which Selby and Parker had prescriptions for, Simpson said. Police also found drug paraphernalia.

Selby was charged with disorderly conduct and Parker with criminal speed. Both also face charges related to the drugs found in the vehicle. They were taken to Penobscot County Jail.


If I were a betting man, I would say mind-alterating medication were involved. Call me crazy. If you are going to lie about your destination, at least pick destination in the direction you are traveling. And if making up a flight time is involved, make it for a time that hasn't already occurred.

Why Maine is "Vacationland"

Found this beauty of a headline in today's Kennebec Journal. This is why people come to vacation in Maine:

"Sword fights, fire eating on tap in Manchester"

The article was actually highlighting the upcoming Maine Renaissance Faire, but I was sold on the event after reading the headline... mostly because in past years I needed to travel all the way to Lewiston to see a good sword fight.

You Know You Failed Your Drivers Exam When...

From the Morning Sentinel:


ROCKLAND -- A state driving examiner was injured when a student crashed the car during her test.

Police say no charges were filed but the student, 18-year-old Desirea York of Port Clyde, did not get her license.

State Department of Motor Vehicles examiner Linda Norton complained of neck pain after the crash and was taken by ambulance to a hospital.

Police say Norton was administering a driving test to York when York made a left-hand turn into the path of an oncoming Mercedes Benz. Police say the Mercedes T-boned the passenger side of Toyota driven by York.

Total damages are estimated at $6,000.


My favorite part of the story is that the reporter had to confirm that she didn't get her licence. Honestly, we kind of figured.

And another point, why is this a news story?

Celebrating the 4th -- Maine Style (or is that Indianapolis?)

WATERVILLE — Police say a Waterville man faces felony charges for firing a pistol several times into the air as part of his Independence Day celebration.

Police say they received a report about 4 a.m. Saturday of a man firing a handgun outside a Main Street apartment building.

After police arrived, they arrested 46-year-old Gregory Markey and confiscated a 9-millimeter semiautomatic pistol.

Police say Markey told them that he fired the gun because he was homesick and missed his family and because "that's how he celebrated the Fourth of July where he came from."

Police say Markey, who was released on bail, is originally from Indianapolis.


Wow, just wow.

As a buddy put it, "I didn't think that was an arrestable offense in Maine. Was this guy wearing a Marvin Harrison jersey at the time?"

Maine Needs Representation on MTV’s The Real World

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of seeing the tiresome, run of the mill, good looking people on MTV’s The Real World. Honestly, how many pretty women and meat-heads from Boston can we put on this show and expect something new and different?

I think the producers need to cast someone new, a fresh face who brings a new dynamic to the house where “people stop being polite... and start getting real.”

So I say, BRING IN SOMEONE FROM MAINE! And you know what, I got just the guy. Cony High Schools (Augusta) very own, "Scotty to Hotty."

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

or simply go to: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:50765

Finally, It's Over...

From the Morning Sentinel:

WATERVILLE -- A taste for French fries cost this pig its freedom.

The Vietnamese pot-bellied pig that has been roaming the Waterville area this past month was captured Saturday on West River Road.

Waterville Police Deputy Chief Charles Rumsey said Monday that someone who had been feeding the pig French fries called police, who responded to the scene around 6 p.m.

Police then briefly stunned the gray pig with a Taser gun, then captured it with a snare pole, Rumsey said.

"We took the opportunity to deploy that Taser for a short time," he said. "The pig was not injured whatsoever. It suffered no ill effects."

Police took the pig to Donald and Judy Shores' Oak Street farm in Oakland until its owner can pick him up, Rumsey said.

Rumsey said it was important to capture the pig because it could pose a public hazard if it dashed across traffic.

"We were very concerned with it running out into the roadway and causing a traffic accident," he said.

Judy Shores said that she is keeping the pig in a cattle pen for now, hoping someone will claim him. The animal seemed no worse for the wear, she said.

"He seems to be OK," Shores said. "You can't put them pigs just anywhere because they get away."

The pig's owner sure knows that. Shores hopes the owner will step forward and claim it.
"I don't really want it," she said. "They're a nuisance. You have to have a pretty good fence for them."

Waterville homeowner Pam Hart tried to capture the pig Thursday.

Hart used cat food to lure the animal, but was unable to get close enough to grab it.

In late May, Colby College officials spotted the swine near the softball field.

Students were able to leash him, but he slipped the leash at a cookout, and had been a free-range pig from then until Saturday.


Wow, good to see those taser guns are being put to good use *insert sarcasm here*

I'm not saying call PETA over the incident, but come on, a taser to catch a pig? Talk about bringing a gun to a knife fight.

But thankfully, this story is over. We laughed, we cried, but really, we just laughed a lot.

This Is Still Going On?

From the Morning Sentinel:

WATERVILLE -- A little pig that evaded captors on the Colby College campus last month turned up Thursday morning four miles away on a West River Road lawn.

Homeowner Pam Hart lured it with cat food, called it a good pig and tried to get close enough to capture it, but to no avail.

"Come here, I won't hurt you," she crooned, as the charcoal-gray pig slurped noisily, its tail swishing to and fro.
"He doesn't really seem too afraid," she said.

Hart was at work Thursday morning at Maintenance Plus in Winslow where she got three phone calls from friends who had driven past her house and said they saw a pig there.

"They were laughing. They said, 'Did you know you had a black pig on your lawn, eating?' I came home and he was standing right there by the birch tree, just grazing."

Hart called the Police Department, hoping an animal control officer might come and capture the pig.
"I was afraid he might start eating the flowers or the shrubs or he might end up in the pond -- who knows? Of course, I wouldn't want him to go out in the road and get hit."

As she waited and watched and the pig continued to munch, Hart's son Jerry arrived in his pickup truck. He lives on nearby Dusty Lane and his wife, Bridget, had called him to report a pig had just wandered up the path to his mother's house.

"It's been a long time since there were pigs on this property," Jerry Hart mused. "We used to raise pigs out back. You want to talk about somebody trying to catch a pig -- they're like a rabbit. They cut on a dime. If you chase 'em, the next thing you know, they're heading the other way."

When an animal control officer did not arrive more than an hour later, Pam Hart said she had to return to work.

"Keep grazing and I won't have to mow the lawn," she told the pig.

The swine, ears flapping, eventually trotted down the hill and over a little bridge to the neighbor's lawn and then headed to a vacant house next door.

Jerry Hart, owner of Hart construction, drove there in his pickup truck, got out, and fed the pig with dog treats he plucked from inside a plastic bag.

"I keep them with me when I go on job sites," he explained.

The pig approached Hart whenever he tossed a morsel and then retreated to munch. Back and forth it went, for another half-hour, with the pig occasionally scratching its head with a rear hoof.

"I'm almost out," Hart said of the dog treats. "I've got to get back to work."

With that, he drove off, leaving the pig looking. The animal waited a while and then trotted back toward Pam Hart's house where there was more cat food on the lawn. As of Thursday evening, the pig's whereabouts were unknown.

It is unknown who actually owns the gray Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, which left Colby in late May after some students apparently took it to a campus cookout and it slipped its leash.

Colby spokesman Stephen Collins said he would try to find someone at the campus' physical plant who might be able to help capture the pig Thursday, but he could not make any promises.

"Can you grab it?" Collins asked. "What I've heard is that he's tame enough so you can feed him by hand, and as soon as your other hand moves as if to grab him, he's gone."

Uh-huh.


Not sure what's worse: the pig being loose for a month, or the fact the paper gives weekly updates on the progress of catching it (Complete with pictures!)?

I Don’t Know What's Worse… The Ford Escort or the John Deere Tractor

From the Bangor Daily News:

James Gardner had planned to pick up his prom date driving his dad’s John Deere tractor and wow the crowd of more than 200 well-wishers snapping pictures in the parking lot of Penobscot Valley High School.

But because of the heavy rain Saturday, he picked her up in the Ford Escort his father drives to work most days.

Each year, Gardner said, seniors come up with unusual conveyances for prom night. In the past, revelers have arrived on firetrucks and flatbed trailers, he said. Last year, a couple arrived in a motorboat pulled by a truck.

Gardner’s parents, Ellen and William Gardner of Howland, are teachers in SAD 31, which comprises Burlington, Edinburg, Enfield, Howland, Maxfield and Passadumkeag,

Not being able to make an entrance on the tractor, used on the family blueberry farm in Ellsworth, was the only thing that dampened Gardner’s prom and graduation weekend.

Read the entire article here


Now that I think about it, coming in on a tractor would have really topped off my prom night too. I knew I was missing something to accommodate my tin of Skoal and Canadian Tuxedo. Then again, I think I made up for the tractor when I showed up with my sister.

Honestly though, this is a nice story. It’s nice to see teens have fun with prom and not make it some Hollywood-event where everyone is nervous about losing their virginity or where they are going to drink cheap beer after the dance…

Relief Is Only 1.5 Hours Away

From the Associated Press Wire Service:

TOWNSHIP 22 - Relief has arrived for motorists traveling along Route 9 in eastern Maine.

Beginning Friday, drivers will have a pit stop along the hour-and-a-half drive from Calais to Brewer. New year-round public restroom facilities will give drivers a break in Township 22, adjacent to the Airline Snack Bar and Lounge.

There were plenty of snickers and jokes when state Sen. Kevin Raye introduced legislation for the facility.

But he said the lack of public restrooms along the route was no laughing matter and caused a hardship for many Mainers, especially for Washington County residents traveling to Bangor for medical treatments.


I would think the town would want to name their town before they started throwing up pit stops, but maybe that’s just me. Also, did the Airline Snack Bar and Lounge not have public restrooms?

In any case, enjoy Township 22; I look forward to pictures of the ribbon cutting ceremony…

What does it take to be a celebrity in Maine?

Apparently, not much.

From the Morning Sentinel:

WATERVILLE -- Waterville's own singer, songwriter and producer Jeremy Greene will really hit the big time Monday as he stars in "Living Lohan," a reality show on the E! Network featuring actor Lindsay Lohan's

family.

Well that’s a pretty big break! To come from a small town and work your way towards staring in a nationally televised reality television show. But wait… there’s more…

The show, which will appear on Time Warner Cable's Channel 60 in Waterville, starts at 10:30 p.m. and will feature Greene in three episodes out of eight over a period of several weeks, according to Christel Wheeler of E!'s public relations.

Wait, appearances in 3 episodes? He is considered one of the stars of the show for having his mug in frame for 3 episodes? Is this seriously the best we can come up with for profiling local talent? A guy who will be in 3 episodes of a show that clearly will NOT get renewed.

To Jeremy’s defense, the rest of the article goes on to tout some of his successes. I simply found humor in the fact the Morning Sentinel would dub Jeremy a star for being on a trashy reality television show.

Either The Girls at Colby Are Letting Themselves Go, Or...

From the Morning Sentinel:

WATERVILLE — Colby College campus has had a new visitor at large, recently, and he isn’t paying tuition.

The uninvited guest is a medium-sized, charcoal-gray pig, presumed to be male, that has been on the loose on campus for more than a week.

“It’s currently a free-range pig. I spotted it a couple of days ago, grazing on grass on the girls’ softball field, when I drove past on my bicycle. It’s about the size of an English Springer Spaniel,” said Colby director of communications Steve Collins, Wednesday.The pig is believed to be a Vietnamese Potbelly, he said.

The pig was last under human control when Colby students, who were not identified, had taken the pet pig to a campus cookout, where it slipped its leash, Collins said.

According to Collins, some of Colby’s grounds crew had collaborated with the animal control officer in Waterville, to set up traps on campus, in an attempt catch the free-roaming hog.

Waterville police Sgt. Joseph Shepherd said the pig has been on the loose at Colby for more than a week.
Colby’s assistant grounds supervisor Peter MacDonald confirmed that attempts to catch the elusive pig by Wednesday, had failed.

“We tried to catch it a couple of ways, like physically chasing after him and using a net to throw over him. That didn’t work," MacDonald said. "He is very friendly, but as soon as you think about moving, he shoots right away. We actually had him eating out of our hands.”

I guess all you can say is, "You know you've gone to school in Maine for to long when you bring a live pig to your cookout."

Oh Yeah, We Meant to Call You… You May Want to Move

I usually save good police log entries for the Hall of Fame found on the right side column of this site, but this one was deserved its own post.

From Thursday’s Morning Sentinel Police Log:

IN WINSLOW, Wednesday at 9:40 a.m., a caller from Dallaire Street called the police inquiring about the safety of their home when the dam is breached.

For those of you not from the area, the Fort Halifax Dam in Winslow is a 100-year-old hydroelectric facility on the Sebasticook River. This summer they will be removing a piece of the dam.

I can see a neighbors concern, but honestly, don’t you think someone would contact you if your house would be in jeopardy? An earlier Morning Sentinel story highlights the process and what people can expect… “FPL Energy made the change, Wiley said, to slow the removal process, so that the lake would drain more slowly, thus making any significant erosion or slumping of river banks far less likely.”

I worry about people sometimes... especially when they ask questions like this. Just check out the map, they are over 200 feet away from the water!

Tomorrow's Future... Born in the Back of a Police Cruiser

From the Associated Press:

RUMFORD - A Bethel woman was taken to a hospital rather than a jail cell after she began going into labor in the back seat of a police car following her arrest on a domestic violence charge.

Police said 23-year-old Tiffany Burlingame gave birth at Rumford Hospital on Saturday night after being arrested earlier in the evening for allegedly assaulting her husband in a fight while driving in Rumford.

Officer Doug Maifeld told the Sun Journal of Lewiston that Burlingame, who was eight months pregnant, began going into contractions in the back of the police car. He said an ambulance met them at the police station and took the woman to the hospital.

Police said the mother and baby were then taken to Maine Medical Center in Portland, where they were reported doing fine.

Something tells me if genetics hold true to form, this won't be the last ride a police cruiser this child will take.

Mattel Announces New Line of Barbie’s: Maine Barbie’s

Mattel, in an attempt to reposition themselves better to different markets, recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for their coveted Maine demographic.

Fairfield Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate Flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Old Orchard Beach Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Newport Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player.

Rumford Barbie: This Barbie comes with tangled hair and missing teeth. She is sporting LA Gear sneakers, tapered Jeans and a B.U.M. equipment belly shirt. Rumford Barbie is also available with bearded Ken who serves as her cousin/boyfriend.

Bath Barbie: This chain smoking, beer chugging model has a low rise jeans that shows off her “tramp stamp.” She drives a 1995 Ford Probe, and thinks she can dance better then you can. She comes complete with drug-dealing Ken, who doesn't have a car or his license because he's on probation. Navel piercing sold separately.

Skowhegan Barbie: This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. “Gangsta” Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Cape Elizabeth Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are “Shallow Ken” and “Private School Skipper.” You won't be able to afford any of them.

We’re Only Taking 15 Though…

From the Bangor Daily News:

KINGMAN, Maine - Like a gathering storm, at least 15 Maine trucks will start toward Washington, D.C. on Sunday to protest record high diesel fuel prices that they say will cause significant price spikes in all consumer goods, organizers said Thursday.

The Coalition to Lower Fuel Prices and the 15 sponsored trucks will gather at a vacant car lot opposite Lincoln Color Center off Route 6 in Lincoln by 6 a.m. on Sunday, said coalition co-founder Belinda Raymond, a town resident.

Other participants will likely join them there, and other trucks and vehicles will be joining the caravan for varying lengths of time as it proceeds along Interstate 95, she said, before it eventually reaches Washington by 10 a.m. on Monday.

"All I know for sure about are the 15 that we’ve lined up with sponsorship and paid for with our fundraisers," Raymond said Thursday. "By the time we hit Kittery, I don’t know how many we’ll have."

The coalition is the Maine representative to a national rally to protest the diesel prices, which some say are crushing the state’s forest products and hauling industries. Other truckers from other industries and from around the country are expected to attend.


So to protest the high cost of diesel fuel, this group felt that driving 15 trucks from Kingman, Maine to Washington, D.C. (Map Quest has it at roughly a 748 mile/12 hour trip) would be the most influential way to prove their point?

“Hey, look at us! We just drove 15 gas-guzzling trucks to protest how much it cost us to make this trip!”

Send an e-mail, post a YouTube video, make a phone call, sign a petition, sacrafice a small animal... do something other then the one thing you are trying to avoid... paying high gas prices when traveling.

Baby, I Love You So Much, I'd Torch Your Boyfriends Truck

From the Morning Sentinel

VASSALBORO -- A Vassalboro man was arrested early Wednesday morning in the torching of a neighbor's truck.

Courtney Damien Shea, 25, of Vassalboro, was arrested and charged with several offenses, including arson and aggravated criminal mischief, police said. He was arraigned Wednesday, police said.

Vassalboro Fire Chief Eric Rowe said firefighters were called to Robert Jurdak's Getchell's Corner Road home just after 2 a.m. On arrival, Rowe said, first responders found the green 1995 Ford F-150 pick-up truck in flames.

"The vehicle was torched," Rowe said Wednesday morning.

Angela Burke, Jurdak's girlfriend, said the truck was fine when she went to bed at 10 p.m. Tuesday. Hours later, she said, Jurdak "woke up and was yelling, 'My truck's on fire!' "
Burke said she dated Shea, but the couple broke up several months ago.

I don’t know how Miss Burke DOESN’T get back together with Mr. Burke. I mean, burning the new boyfriend’s truck is how a Maine man professes his love for “his woman.”

This has reality show written all over it. Move over Keeping up with the Kardashians and Rock of Love… “MAINE LOVE” starring Courtney Damien Shea and Angela Burke is coming to VH1 this summer to be overplayed. Though, I feel the show will not be able to keep up after the thrilling opening episode when Shea burns a truck. I mean, I guess he could tattoo his whole body with Angela’s name, but it really wouldn’t live up to the shock value of burning a truck in the premier episode.

Today’s lesson in love and relationships: When a relationship is over, it’s not really over until you’ve burned the new boyfriend’s truck.

Don’t Tase Me Bro... You're my Best Man!!!

From the Bangor Daily News:

ROCKLAND, Maine — The Attorney General’s Office is investigating an incident in which a Knox County deputy sheriff was shocked with a Taser, hogtied and paraded around downtown Camden in the back of a pickup truck last summer.



…The weekly newspaper Village Soup obtained a video that shows approximately 10 men outdoors at what is believed to be a bachelor party when the Taser is used. The groom-to-be drops to the ground and the other men bind him before covering him with oil and feathers…

Read the full story here.

I guess there are a few things to comment on this story.

1.) Wow! These guys really know how to throw a bachelor party! Obviously a trip to Vegas or a night of beer and “entertainment” of the female variety were not enough for these officers of the law.

2.) The police in question put this on video? What are they? College freshman girls who need to document all the stupid things they do when they drink? I'm surprised someone didn't find this video sooner on officers Facebook page... between their Top Friends list and Scrabolous applications.

3.) Have we learned nothing from the famous “Don’t Tase me, Bro!” video that became a YouTube phenomenon and gave University of Florida student Andrew Meyer 15 minutes of “fame" which included his own ringtone from Verizon Wireless and t-shirt from Busted Tees.

4.) This should make an interesting topic of discussion at the wedding. I’d love to be a fly on the wall at the reception when the best man gives his speech. I picture a group of people booing him… followed by a rousing chant of “Yankees Suck!” (I mean we are in New England, it happens).

Bonus points for anyone who can provide a picture of somone wearing a "Don't Tase Me Bro" t-shirt outside of the Knox County Sheriffs Department.

*Insert Maine teeth joke here*

From the Bangor Daily News

AUGUSTA, Maine — A bill that aims to increase access to dental care in under served areas of the state has gained approval from the state House of Representatives.

The House voted Wednesday to enact LD 2192, An Act To Increase Access To Dental Care, which was sponsored by Rep. Patricia Sutherland, D-Chapman.

The bill would provide an income tax credit of up to $15,000 for dentists who join or open a new practice or buy an existing practice in an under served area, as defined by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and agree to practice there for at least five years.

Why is this coming to light now, in 2008? Did people living in rural areas not want dental care before? Did they not know what dental care was? I guess I was under the impression that if Flavor Flav can take care of his teeth, then those living in rural Maine could as well.

Overheard “Pearls of Wisdom”… Courtesy of the Future Leaders at Colby College

I came across this great blog today, Overheard at Colby. This is a genius site inspired by Overheard in New York site (which is also funny, but it is New York, so we're not really surprised by the stupid things they say). This sight is dedicated to “the strange things that Colby College students have overheard, either on or off the hill.”

I must say, I simply love this blog.

Please see some of my favorite ones below. I encourage you all to check out the site and read some of the 20 pages of “wisdom” the smart kids you went to high school with are saying as they further their academic career and prepare to make an impact on the future.

Overheard in the Woodman Dorm bathroom
Girl 1: Wow, your makeup looks really good!

Girl 2: Oh my god, I know! It's because it has sparkles in it.

Overheard in Heights Dorm
Girl lying in hallway to guy: I know I'm supposed to hook up with you, but I'm too drunk right now....so give me, like, two hours and I'll be ready.

Overheard outside of Lovejoy Dorm
Boy 1: (throws a snowball at boy 2 and misses by a long shot)

Boy 2: Nice throw, Helen Keller!
Boy 1: I'm not black!

Overheard in Heights Dorm
Drunker Girl: What do I do?Drunk Girl: Go sit on him.

Drunker Girl: I can't go sit on him, are you crazy?

Drunk Girl: Yes, you can. You're drunk.

Drunker Girl: Fine. S**T!!! That other whore is already sitting on him.

Drunk Girl: So? You can sit on his other half.

Drunker Girl: No, I can't.

Drunk Girl: I would do it if I were the one that liked him.

Overheard in the Hillside Shower
Two guys showering in showers next to each other.
First guy peers into other guys shower.
Guy 1: You look like that guy who married Julia Roberts.

Guy 2: Which one?

Guy 1: The ugly one.

Guy 2: Lyle Lovitt?

Guy 1: Yeahhhh that's it. You look like him when you're wet.

It’s a Sad Day when a Man Can’t Wear a Chicken Suit at 1:30 a.m. to get a Beverage

From the APWire:

WATERVILLE, Maine — A store clerk became alarmed early this morning after a very tall person wearing sandals and a full-length, yellow chicken suit walked into the Irving Blue Canoe store on Kennedy Memorial Drive, police said.

The person reportedly entered the store and just stood there for a few moments without speaking, then began walking toward the beverage coolers.

When a clerk asked the person to remove the chicken mask, the person placed his hands on the mask, pulling it down as if to say, “I’m not taking off my mask,” said Waterville Deputy Police Chief Charles Rumsey.

The incident unfolded just before 1:30 a.m., police said. The clerk noticed a red car driving around the parking lot. The person in the chicken suit got out of the car and the car sped away, temporarily out of sight.

The clerk told police the chicken person stood about 6 feet, 4 inches tall, with brown sandals and blue jeans visible beneath the feathers.

After the encounter with the clerk, the chicken person quickly walked out of the store and got back into the red car, which drove off toward Oakland.

A man who answered the phone at the Blue Canoe later this morning said he was not allowed to comment on the incident.

This is about as close to racial profiling as it gets in Maine I guess. I mean, clearly this gentleman was drumming up advertisement for the new KFC set to be built across the street at Mardens Surplus Store. I don’t see the harm.

Also, what can the man answering the phone to comment on the story really say? "Um, yeah, a dude came in. He got a Mt. Dew, a bag of Muncho's and a microwaivable burrito. I think it was a beef burrito, but do not quote me on that. And oh yeah, he had a chicken suit on."

But, I guess that’s I can not complain, for without these stories, there would be no “Only in Maine” blog.

Honey! We won the lottery! (*cough* the moose hunting lottery I spent our savings on *cough*)

There was big winners announced this past week in Maine. No, not that estimated $68 million Power Ball lottery, this one was for something money couldn't buy. This was for the chance, for one week only, to be the envy of all your friends (for something other then having the most teeth). That’s right, the Moose Permit Auction winners were announced..

From MaineToday.com:
AUGUSTA – Ten hunters this week won the privilege to hunt moose in Maine during the upcoming season by bidding a total of $109,111 in the 2008 Maine Moose Permit Auction, which benefits youth conservation education scholarships.

More than 30 people took part in the auction. The 10 successful bids ranged from $8,500 to $12,650.

All of the money derived from the 2008 Maine Moose Permit Auction goes to partial scholarships that will help send Maine youngsters to the Maine Conservation School in Bryant Pond and Conservation Camp at the Greenland Point Center in Princeton. At these five-day camps, boys and girls ages 10 through 14 take part in an array of outdoor and classroom activities. Students work with experienced instructors and counselors, as well as staff from the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife and other state and private conservation agencies.

I guess my first question would be, “How can one justify paying upwards of $12,000 to go out in the woods, drink Budweiser’s, wear obscene amounts of orange and be granted the authority to shoot a moose?” Yes, I have eaten moose meat in my lifetime, and yes, it is quite tasty… but is it $12,000 tasty? It is debatable.

Ah, “Only in Maine.” Sure, we’ll bitch about rising cigarette taxes, Governor Baldacci and the ease of illegal immigrants getting drivers licenses… but as long as we can hunt moose, we’ll do anything (and obviously pay anything) to do it.

When Kids are Wearing Their Pants to Big...

From the Lewiston Sun Journal:

LEWISTON - Police were searching for three men Wednesday, one of them accused of stealing a guitar from a music store by stuffing the instrument down his pants.

The heist occurred at Music Maniac in the Lewiston Mall last week, police said. Stolen was a Fender Stratocaster guitar.

Police said that two of the suspects stood around inside the store, acting as lookouts and providing distraction. The third man shoved the guitar into his pants and pulled a long sweatshirt over the top of it, police said.

The theft was discovered later and video surveillance footage was turned over to police. The footage clearly shows each of the three suspects, all of them wearing baseball caps and open coats.

The suspect identified as the one who stole the Fender is seen walking with the guitar in his right hand.

Strangely, it was at least the second such theft to occur at the store in recent years.

In November 2006, a man was caught as he tried to walk out with a guitar jammed into his pants.

I mean, sure, it starts with a guitar, but just wait till their stuffing ’67 Cadillac’s in their pants.

I won’t even classify this as an “Only in Maine” story because honestly, this is nothing more then an “Only in Lewiston” piece. I can't pull the entire State into this.

Hey Maine, wear your seatbelt... and this time, we mean it (maybe)

From The Bangor Daily News:

For the last six months, police have issued warnings to motorists who failed to use seat belts money.

Maine long had a secondary enforcement law for seat belts. That meant that seat belt use was required but drivers could not be stopped for failing to buckle up. If they were stopped for another violation, such as speeding, they could be given a ticket for not wearing a seat belt as well.

See full story here.

I don’t know many states that issue a law, kind of talk about maybe some day enforcing it for 6 months and then decide that ‘yup, let’s start enforcing that law.’ What if Texas only gave warnings for the first 6 months they initiated the death penalty? Or New Hampshire says, “We’re going to Live Free or Die, but not for the first 6 months.”

You should either make a law and enforce it, or you sit on it until you’re ready. There is no middle ground, no Mendoza line, nothing.

I look forward to see how the state handles their Real ID program. I see it going down like this, “Um, yeah, if you could go ahead and get this ID card, that would be great. I mean, we won’t check you for a few months, but just get it. Thanks”

Good night all… and please, buckle up, for real this time.

Simply put... "Only in Maine"

This gem came to me in a chain e-mail (courtesy of my mom). This picture is elegantly entitled, “A Old Orchard Beach Cup Holder.”

Wow… “Only in Maine” is one of few things that comes to my mind.

Enjoy folks… and think summer.

Note: This is NOT a picture of my mom.

ATTENTION MAINERS: You are now safe. Novelty lighters will no longer corrupt Vactionland.

While Maine legislators battle with budget cuts, decreasing job opportunities and several other petty problems, state government officials took a big step forward towards tackling the real problems facing the state.

Novelty lighters.

On Monday, Gov. John Baldacci signed legislation that makes Maine the first state to outlaw the sale of cigarette lighters that are particularly attractive to children because they come in the shapes of cartoon characters, toys and animals.

Another great “Only in Maine” moment. I mean, this legislation will help prevent a few house fires, but honestly, WHO BUYS NOVELTY LIGHTERS? The people who I picture with novelty lighters are those who live in their parent’s basement and perhaps shop on eBay for Star Wars figurines. I’d be interested to meet someone who has an extensive collection of novelty lighters.

Not much more I can say. Sleep easy tonight Maine, we are now rid of the burden that is novelty lighters.

Now, about those nation-high taxes and economic turmoil…

What's up with vanity license plates?

I found myself driving around the great state of Maine this past weekend when I had an “Only in Maine” moment. I realized Maine drivers decorate their vehicles with something that not many other states can attest to.

Vanity license plates.

I mean, honestly, do people get a discount on their car insurance for having one? Does the DMV just give these things away? Why is Maine the capital of vanity license plates? (Forget “Vactionland”… Maine is “Vanity plateland.”)

I think the “best” plate I saw this weekend was garnished with “AX MAN.” It is not so much the plate name, but the vehicle it was attached to. When you think “AX MAN,” on a vehicle, you would think some big burley man with an equally burley truck, yes? Well not this individual. This individual thought “AX MAN” would be best expressed on the front and back of his 2005 Nissan Sentra.

Can’t you just picture some Grizzly Adams fellow up in Aroostook County checking the vanity license plate database each week hoping “AX MAN” becomes available? Mean while, this poser drinks Starbucks Chai Lattes (with extra nonfat milk) and drives around in his Sentra searching for the right hair gel? It is truly a shame.

To see other Maine vanity license plates, click here.

Until next time, keep it classy Maine.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow (but only in Caribou, the rest of us don't care)

Where is your global warming now, Mr. Gore?

The Associated Press is reporting that Caribou, Maine is closing in its snowiest season of the year.

Caribou had 171.9 inches of snow as of midnight, so it needs little more than nine inches of snow to reach the all-time high of 181.1 inches, set in the winter of 1954-55. (Thank you for breaking down the mind-numbing math).

Lee Foster from the National Weather Service in Caribou says a snowstorm is predicted for Thursday and that the record could fall by day's end on Friday.

Foster says some Caribou residents are hoping for an even loftier snow tally — 200 inches.

200 inches! Hell, why not 300! 400! Go crazy Caribou, carpe diem! I'll be on the look out for the St. Patricks Day-like celebration photos that will ensue with the locals in celebration of this glorious achievement.

Mark it down, folks. March 21st, 2008: The day Caribou takes over the world.

Welcome!

Hello!

Welcome to "Only in Maine,” a blog dedicated to obscure happenings in the Northeast corner of the United States (that’s right, United States, NOT Canada!) that make you say, “Wow, only in Maine…”

For those of you not familiar with the phrase, Maine has a reputation of attracting some rather “interesting” stories. From obscure police log entries to “would this be news anywhere else?”... "Only in Maine" is meant to inform and educate... oh who am I kidding, its here for a few laughs.

Also, from time to time, I will switch up the conversation to ask the hard hitting questions like, "When will the rest of the country join the 21st century and accept Allens Coffee Brandy like Maine?"

I look forward to sharing and commenting on Maine news as I see it (and have the time to post/comment).

Thanks!