Thursday, April 24, 2008

Mattel Announces New Line of Barbie’s: Maine Barbie’s


Mattel, in an attempt to reposition themselves better to different markets, recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for their coveted Maine demographic.

Fairfield Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate Flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Old Orchard Beach Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Newport Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player.

Rumford Barbie: This Barbie comes with tangled hair and missing teeth. She is sporting LA Gear sneakers, tapered Jeans and a B.U.M. equipment belly shirt. Rumford Barbie is also available with bearded Ken who serves as her cousin/boyfriend.

Bath Barbie: This chain smoking, beer chugging model has a low rise jeans that shows off her “tramp stamp.” She drives a 1995 Ford Probe, and thinks she can dance better then you can. She comes complete with drug-dealing Ken, who doesn't have a car or his license because he's on probation. Navel piercing sold separately.

Skowhegan Barbie: This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. “Gangsta” Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Cape Elizabeth Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are “Shallow Ken” and “Private School Skipper.” You won't be able to afford any of them.